Ballerina

I will never see the ballet. I will die as he goes with her. I will be alone for the rest of my few days. He doesn't know or he doesn't care. I won't feel the emotion the ballerinas invoke with there every move. She will make him happy. That happiness kills me because I can not give that to him. This faceless woman is more to him than me, she is who he chooses to see such things with. She is what is meant for him but my heart cant seem to accept that he wants to feel with her not me. I want it to be with me but I know he shouldn't. I want to fight but I don't know how. So I will just sit, in my dark room and listen to the rushing in my ears as my tears fall. My love I could not tell him of now chokes me. My mind torments me with images of them together and my inside shrink a little more. The pain stops my breath and my brain becomes cloudy as I fall onto the floor. My dreams chase me in my head. Ballerinas with spikes gallop after me. I watch with trepidation and amazement from above it all. How is this so strangely hypnotizing? In this hall of red I run forever. I look so clumsy and ugly. My chest heaves and puffs out irregular breaths. I hear there slow methodical breath in my ears. My mask of make-up runs ruined down my face. A woman with a blurred face jumps on top of me. She holds my wrists in her hands as I shake struggle to get away. My insanity shows as she sits astride me calm as a willow tree in the breeze. I am rabid compared to her is perfection. "Your time here is done." "He never needed you, you knew that." My cries turn to screams. "NO STOP DON'T SAY IT! DON'T!" She breaths even breaths as she takes a razor blade from her between her breasts. " You have no reason to linger." I scream the scream of a woman murdered as her blade runs across both my wrists. My scream is the last sound I make as in the waking world a blood vessel in my brain bursts and my heart tumbles to a stop. He will never know. He will never ask. No one will think to tell him of my death.